


Simple and Clean

by AikoIsari



Series: In Prayer [2]
Category: Digimon - All Media Types, Digimon Adventure, Digimon Adventure Zero Two | Digimon Adventure 02
Genre: F/F, F/M, Freeform, Gen, Multi, Semi-Canon Compliant, references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-27
Updated: 2014-01-11
Packaged: 2017-12-27 19:38:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/982812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AikoIsari/pseuds/AikoIsari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Growing up is six parts mess and one part magic, and for her, that's all right. No one said it had to be a perfect way up. Companion to My Sanctuary, Noriko POV</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thirtysevensounds](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thirtysevensounds/gifts).



> Hello everybody! Ours will be updated later today, or later tonight I should say. However, I finished this first part of the companion, and I wanted to get it out here before I forgot. I will update it as I finish parts, of which there are seven. The end is rather planned out. It's just getting there that is causing me grief. Otherwise, this would have been out two weeks ago. To those that are enjoying My Sanctuary or did enjoy it, I hope I can give Noriko the same justice I gave Hikari. If you did not read My Sanctuary, you do not need to read that one first, but it will help a lot towards the end. Also, for those who might read the sequel, Destati, when it is released, it is imperative to read My Sanctuary, if only to know who the main character is and what's going on.
> 
> Dedicated to thirtysevensounds and my AO3 readers, as well as my friends on FFN.
> 
> Warning for: Present tense, implicit homosexuality, alcohol reference, possible alternate character interpretation, and hints of a crossover (less so on this last one). Officially, this fic starts post Episode 50: "Our Digital World" and includes the "Summer 2003" and "The Door to Summer" CD dramas as well as the movies, all of which, including Hurricane Touchdown, I take as canon. It goes all the way to the epilogue, which, for the sake of this, is also taken as canon.
> 
> Footnotes at the end, optional as always. Enjoy part 1!

**_I._ **

Thanks for believing in us.

_Thank you for trying to believe in yourself._

She knows it isn't going to be easy after that day, after banishing a soul-sucking vampire, assuming the ride would be all simple and pretty was a prerequisite for a beating.

_It's harder than I thought._

She has trouble every day, because she knows what she's said and done, and she knows despite the forgiveness, she doesn't deserve any of it. She knows she was cruel, and she doesn't know how to be kind now.

Kawada Noriko spends a lot of time with Punimon alone, holding him close and watching people walk by in groups, envious, angry, but... not willing to hurt anyone now.

It is this conflict that hurts.

She is still lonely now, on the swing or the park bench. Even her friends avoid her now, because she has a Digimon and she pushes them aside without meaning to because they  _don't._

Trying to make them understand is just impossible.

Punimon doesn't care about them getting it either. Punimon doesn't care about anyone, like she doesn't care about many people.

_Does that make me a bad person?_

She doesn't know. She wants to know. She is scared to know.

She is scared because she spent a long time being selfish. She doesn't know how to be selfless, but she wants to be.

"What will I lose if I am?"

Kawada Noriko tries not to cry a lot more now that it is over. She thinks of Ken however, and cries, because he has friends and she is alone. Even with Punimon, she is alone.

And she doesn't know how to have friends anymore.

…

Punimon is never a good comfort after school.

He's always hungry and getting into things and she has to keep preventing him from eating the crackers in the  _middle of the store_ and leaving crumbs everywhere. A girl from the Digital World, Miyako, always scowls about it. It is never an angry scowl, more of a "I'm going to have to clean that up again" scowl that she seems to have any time a child with a Digimon comes in, even that one with the goggles. Or maybe she just dislikes them in general.

Punimon doesn't actually care about this in the slightest. He's too busy trying to reach the top shelves of food when he can't fly and Noriko has to keep him from ruining the ice creams by shutting himself in the freezer section.

Funny. She never laughs so hard as when he screams curse words at the door in his squeaky voice while he rolls against metal shelves. He glares at her so hard through the bruises on his spikes, but she doesn't care because it's funny and even a bit cute in its own way. Miyako does sigh and shake her head but behind the counter, someone giggles.

She doesn't know why, but Noriko finds it the sweetest sound she has ever heard.

She wonders what it would take to hear that sound again.

…

As it turns out, she forgets about this quickly, because school picks up again and her friends decide to pick her up again and all of Punimon's antics get regulated to being poked every time he tries to eat her bento for the day. It's a little less boring, and it is much less lonely.

However, it is also really freaking loud and sometimes she gets a headache from all the noise and all the people and how much the world hurts. The Dark Seed doesn't turn off and maybe she's not as smart now but she's still noticing things and they're still telling her things and it hurts to try and process the  _sheer amount_  of things she observes at once.

She wonders how Ken did it as long as he did and didn't lose his mind.

…Then again...he actually  _did_ , didn't he?

She sighs. They were all great, big idiots. She was the worst of them, the greatest of the fools, the most easily brought in and thrown out.

She probably deserves what she gets.

So does she deserve Punimon?

The wind nips at her ears and she sniffles in the chill, not wanting to go home but not wanting to stay at school and being torn between two extremes of people and responsibility is horrible and she's scared to do it. So she sits here and mumbles her way through index cards and self-pity until there is the sound of agitated footsteps. Then Noriko rubs her eyes, pretending they were watering from the wind and not tears of shame and then finds a steaming hot meat bun in her face.

The person holding it out is barely taller than she is, but seems somehow much smaller, petite from being loved by everyone and suffocating under it. Brown hair, a cat in her arms, and gentle, every curve of her body is a gentle slope, this person gives off the aura of goodness.

It makes it even scarier that she's holding out a pork bun.

"You're cold," she says without much in the way of a "good afternoon". "It's not a good day to sit out here."

"Fine for me," remarks the quiet voice of her cat and suddenly Noriko recalls her. She is the one who wanted to be a teacher, in the Digital World. She has a very bright name, too... what is it?

Unable to recall, she takes the meat bun with a tiny emission of gratitude, causing Punimon to peek from his place in her thick jacket. "Mine?" he says without decorum.

"No," she replies affectionately without realizing that is her voice. "Pig."

The girl giggles and with a foggy reminisce, Noriko thinks she's heard the sound before. Her memory is poorer than her observation skills now, and she is wobbling trying to recall the other's name, let alone the familiarity of a laugh.

Soon, it doesn't matter because the girl is gesturing questioningly at the part of the bench next to her and Noriko is nodding before she can stop herself. Then the wood is vibrating because the white cat is purring so deeply at the affection being lavished onto her. It makes her laugh, especially when the cat pays no attention and Punimon huffs with a little well-placed jealousy until she tousles the spikes that make up his head.

The girl doesn't speak for a few moments, choosing to eat her meat bun with a quiet purpose that belies the entire point of the food. It is meant to be messy and defying that seems a bit like blasphemy. Then she says, in a rather odd, but peaceful tone. "It's not easy."

"... Sorry?"

"Trying to fit yourself back in," she clarifies with a small, sheepish smile. The other girl seems to realize that these are hard things to understand, but she wants to try and help Noriko anyway. "Once everything flips upside down, you never can go back. No one ever says so, but it's not easy or anything."

"Having a Digimon?"

"Growing up," says the cat, and the girl looks at her Digimon with reproach even as she pets the white fur.

Noriko thinks on this as she chews a piece of warm dough and meat. It's not easy, she says... so this is normal? "So... it's okay?" At the confused head tilt, she adds. "To be stuck? For things to hurt and be messy and just..." She trails off because she feels the last words are private and maybe not words at all. An ugly pink flush trails up her face until the girl says,

"Yes."

She says it with an equanimity that is envy worthy, a pleasurable sort of resignation in her eyes that belies her tone with an acrid black spot.

It's rather like the Dark Seed, and Noriko finds that endearing, even when the girl and her cat share a look of knowing dissatisfaction with something.

"Growing up is messy," the cat finally says because the girl has fallen silent. "Messy and complicated and sometimes not worth it."

"But it is," the girl mumbles, scratching fur once more. "It's good to shut some doors before the new air freezes the room. (2)"

Punimon grumbles his confusion at this statement and Noriko silently agrees but it's the look of peace on the other girl's face that stops her from asking. Besides, she thinks a part of her understands.

Everyone struggles, even the perfect-looking people. She's not alone. Even on the days she doesn't believe in anyone or anything, least of all herself, she is not alone in that.

It's okay to be a little messy.

They sit in silence a few moments more before the girl apologizes and is called away, called away by the same boy who makes a mess of Miyako's store.

When she goes, with the same distant sort of farewell that began the conversation, Noriko finally recalls what she was trying to the whole time.

That girl's name is Hikari, and she has a beautiful laugh.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoot I forgot to put the update on here. I'm so, so sorry guys!

II.

Middle school is absolute boredom.

She isn't able to put to words  _why_ exactly, but suddenly everything seems easier and the other students seem a lot slower than she she remembers her friends being. Maybe she's still siphoning off the Seed... though she has nothing left to want to do that for.

Almost like a bad dream, her earlier suffering has faded into wisps of details that are quickly wafted away by Punimon's spikes under her fingers and the voices of her friends who find Digimon eggs by their pillows when they turn twelve. She feels relieved and bitter and even a bit proud of herself for learning the right thing and earning a partner before they got one.

She is frightened, some of the time. She is worried, all of the time. Because things are still happening in that other world and she wants to go there but she's afraid she's not allowed to.

Because she hurt it, hurt it with her own despair and selfishness. Do those kinds of people deserve to be there?

"It's not about deserving," Ichijouji Ken had said when she tracked him down. "You just belong there."

She hadn't asked him why because at the time, it had felt like there was no answer.

Even now, Noriko finds that it doesn't. Now, when there is responsibility like carrying Punimon and keeping him fed and smiling in her general direction. Now, when she is able to hold up her Digivice and let it pull her through, she feels at home and decides not to question it. Otherwise, she might get it taken from her.

And that simply is not allowed.

Sometimes she wonders where Yagami Hikari is. Sometimes the wondering is intense, like the cramps that make it hard to leave her bed as a teenager. Others it is merely a faint curiosity, like the envy she has towards her friend's boyfriends.

Because as she grows older, she notices that her friends are pretty and she is not quite so much.

No, the feeling of being ordinary lingers still and with it, the pain of the barcode resting at her neck. Ken, who is now a constant pen pal and even more of a best friend, tells her that is probably all right because the pain never left him.

Sometimes, when the red pain clashes with bad dreams and the pull of hormones, she thinks the Dark Seed is a ghost, the ghost of evil and nearly-made sins that will haunt her because she is not a perfect being and, worse than that, doesn't want to be a perfect being anymore.

The girl with the beautiful laugh didn't look at perfection, perhaps because there wasn't anything to look at there. She had seen the flaws in Noriko, or the burden of them, and appreciated them. Or that is what it had looked like on that day. She doesn't know, because Hikari seems to exist as much as a ghost in the Odaiba area. She sees that girl Miyako all the time, but it is only in passing and Noriko doesn't talk to her. She irks her.

Maybe all those moments of seeing Miyako staring at her house have something to do with it.

Punimon wants to spit acid bubbles in her face.

Noriko knows that the acid is only about as dangerous as lemonade splashing your face, but she still says no.

Because it isn't right, and that is a clean-cut fact.

She still doesn't like Miyako, though.

…

Surprisingly, a lot of the times when she's in the Digital World, she rarely runs into any other children with the Seed. They are all probably busy going after their dreams. She has nothing more that she can do with herself at this point, so she throws herself into this multicolored world of... dreams, funnily enough.

The only one she sees with any way towards frequency is Keiko, who is learning how to bake here.

"Digimon will eat almost anything," she says with a giggle whenever Noriko sits and watches. "It doesn't really make them sick. But they have better taste buds than I do."

Noriko has to agree, watching her Punimon swallow a large bite of still piping hot bread. She grimaces, feeling the heat in her own throat.

Keiko flushes. "Sorry... forgot about that."

Noriko just grins.

Keiko is easy to talk to, she realizes, kind, not too invasive, but plenty of passion when she gets going. She's fun and safe and understanding. On some meetings, she envisions that Keiko is cute, in her own, looking-at-her-shoes kind of way.

But it's not what she's looking for, and Keiko knows it as well as she does.

Doesn't stop her from appreciating it anyway.

…

High school entrance exams are three months away and Noriko finds herself in the library with Punimon trying not to drool over her math equations.

At least he isn't snoring this time.

She pokes and she prods at the papers, trying to decide what school she should go to, what place to be in. She hates being smart once in a while because although the overflow has slowed since she was eleven, it hasn't dropped off the radar and is next to useless on nation-wide tests that makes geniuses sob. Okay, so Ken didn't sob about his, but his elite school isn't exactly known for being nice and he made sure she knew it.

Most complaining she has ever heard from him since, well, ever. Of course his best friend is even worse.

All things considered though, Motomiya Daisuke is a moron.

"Takeru, how the hell did you get  _x_ out of that gibberish?"

Speak of the devil.

She lifts up her book over her face as the aforementioned boy passes her, hearing him complain in dulcet tones to the blonde beside him. The other is sighing in long-suffering tones and trying to explain.

"Daisuke-kun, if you stopped thinking of food recipes and chemistry, you would know already!"

"I'm  _good_  at chemistry!"

"Daisuke's good at food, Takeru!"

It's the childishly high voice that makes Punimon perk and she shushes him. She does not want a Digimon gaggle of noise in the middle of the library. Alone, they were noisy enough.

"He's good at food," says a soft voice in agreement, and Noriko feels her hair stand on end. "But that doesn't mean he's good at taking high school entrance exams."

The childlike voice grumbles. "Why does he gotta take these loud tests anyway?"

Daisuke slams a book down on the nearby table, by the sound of it. "Cause if I don', there's no culinary school and without a license and the way to prove I can earn it, I don't get my cart, Chibimon!"

"Duh," Takeru mutters and there is a sudden cry of "ow" a few seconds later.

Noriko giggles behind the book, even though it really isn't that funny. She thinks she was quiet enough, even though Punimon is bouncing by her other books because he wants some chocolate and  _smells_ it in somebody's (probably Daisuke's) bag and wants to eat it now!

"Hi, Noriko-chan!"

Her face flushes and almost hits her table, but she represses the urge and looks down from her work. Daisuke is waving a tan hand and his goggles at the same time, like she can't tell who it is or something. Takeru is hiding his amusement behind his arm and Hikari is smiling at her books. Her hair is a little longer now, some held back by a plain pink plastic clip, and it swishes as she looks up to give Noriko a sheepish smile.

Gosh, she's beautiful.

That thought promptly makes Noriko flush with embarrassment and sigh. Thankfully, she's never been one of those girls to be in denial about who she is or what she likes, but it's still awkward to wave at the three of them and put a finger to her lips. Daisuke looks downtrodden and Takeru punches him in the arm.

Hikari laughs at the pair of them. Or maybe it's with them. It's hard to tell by the way the three of them sit together and look at each other.

Something about the moment is so mundane, almost too mundane.

Noriko breaks that feeling by sitting with them.

And letting Punimon eat Daisuke's chocolate. Because that isn't mundane at all.

All things in fun and comfort.

And being close to Hikari doesn't hurt either.


	3. Chapter 3

_III._

 

When her high school exams come to an end, she is happy and determined to go home and pass out on her bed. Entrance exams are the worst!

 

Well... they aren't quite as bad as some of her nightmares, but still. 

 

Punimon really doesn't care about exams, though he _wouldn't._ Digimon don't need an education like humans do, which is dumb. It's really dumb. 

 

“Sleepy,” he murmurs from her shoulder. She agrees, stepping forward onto the bus. She is followed by a girl with lavender hair and her red bird. Noriko nods at her because that's polite and they _did_ just spend three hours or more on a really long test with few breaks and lots of panicking. Miyako only grunts and sits next to her, leaving her partner to scramble on the bus floor until she yanks him by his wings and winks with guilt at the bus driver as he pulls away. It must be odd for him, Noriko thinks, to see all these people and children with monsters that probably weren't there the last time he applied for a job and now were just part of the regulations, or working to be.

 

Punimon is too sleepy to really comment, and so is she. It's still odd to think about.

 

“But Mama-” a voice whines from a nearby seat, and a woman shushes him, sounding angry.

 

“No buts- we don't have money to get back on the bus!”

 

“But Poyomon's acting weird!”

 

Noriko peeks open an eye. There is a little boy with a white blob and it's shaking, the shudders are rather weird to be honest. It was like it wanted to go to the bathroom or something. It did not, however, and merely began to glow white. She instantly flinches, realizing just what that _light_ could do to a bus driver. Then, not thinking of Punimon, she snaps from her chair and toward the child, shielding the light from striking the rearview mirror. She doesn't expect it to hurt, but there is a sudden pleasant tingling when her arms wrap around the small child and his partner and the light is just too big and bright for her to contain from sight for a few moments.

 

People simply look at her and the child with confusion and she doesn't dare open her eyes until the little boy giggles with delight and the pleasant light is gone. Then she steps back and though she doesn't recognize the form that appears in place of it, she is relieved to feel the bus still moving beneath her feet and the driver is not veering off in panic.

 

“Thanks, Onee-chan,” the little boy says before his mother can get a word in edgewise. “He was getting too shiny.” He frowns and looks at Punimon, who is rolling over from having fallen on his spikes. “Has yours gotten too shiny yet?”

 

Noriko scoops Punimon into one arm and shakes her head. “Nah, he's lazy.” Punimon protests, loudly, and the mother scowls, an expression that sends a chill down Noriko's spine. From a time when she used to look into the mirror and hate herself. However, she manages a smile at the woman. “Well, he is,” she says with a laugh. “He doesn't have to pay taxes or do homework or-”

 

“Anything boring,” her partner finishes, glaring at the mother like she's a bad stain on a futon. The woman looks affronted, but Noriko only laughs a little and bows to the little boy again.

 

She sits back down, and feels Miyako's eyes on the side of her head. “Didn't you stare at me enough before this?” she asks without looking up. 

 

The girl snorts, somehow amused. “Believe me, you're not that interesting.”

 

“And yet here you are, staring at me,” Noriko shoots back. It's easy to be rude to her, or at least, in theory, it is. “Did I handle that situation wrong, then?” She sits against the cold plastic, deciding to give up on being hostile until she was back at home and able to give no cares.

 

Miyako shrugs. “I don't know. I'm about as good at this as you.” Noriko peeks at her through her bangs, and notes the slump in the chair and the way the other girl's clothes are as messy as someone who didn't sleep the night before.

 

Truce, she decides with reluctance. She wasn't going to let the well-deserved stalking go, but they had both just finished high school exams. It wasn't worth it.

 

“Woman was piece of work.”

 

Miyako laughs. “A lot of the adults are. And just think, we're going to be the new normal.”

 

Noriko chortles in disbelief and Punimon scowls at Hawkmon for no particular reason.

 

Somehow, that thought is more disturbing than the idea of the two of them being nice to each other.

 

…

Their truce lasts until the arrival of their exam scores. Then it's a rivalry, one of close grades and friendships with Ken that Miyako feels a teensy bit threatened by even if she does not admit it.

 

For the most part, Noriko ignores the latter. For the sake of the glasses' girl leaving her alone more often, Noriko actually seeks more solace in Daisuke as the months pass. He lets her try his flavors of ramen and complains about the homework that really doesn't make sense. (It doesn't, for real!)

 

She also hears about his friends and about the fond way he looks back on having a childhood crush that is no longer a big deal. She envies that acceptance from him, like a silly fleeting desire can just float away from one person while another pours over it like a well-worn novel for years. It's actually kind of irritating, but she doesn't blame Daisuke for it. He lost something before he accepted Hikari as she was, and it hurts every time he hints at it, so she never asks.

 

She also takes great pains to ensure he never wonders why she's always asking about her. He probably notices though. He's not as stupid as people think.

 

The nightmares are still there, and sometimes their snarling voices want to stab Miyako in the throat when the two of them are bickering over cram school exams. But she never does because it isn't worth it to make Ken or any of the others mad at her over it.

 

Then, of course, Hida Iori asks her out, and all shit hits the fan.

 

…

 

She meets this moment with awkwardness and dismay.

 

Iori is a rough boy, a stubborn fellow that takes a long time to figure out who he is and what he wants and it's very sweet and painfully loyal. And she feels bad about saying no. She feels bad because in terms of love she's known what she's wanted for a very long time. Even before she had a name and a face to put to it, Noriko's always wanted someone with soft edges but a steel core and loyal determination that understands things without words and with them helps Noriko feel better about herself and her incompetence..

 

Iori has none of these qualities in a way that feels right to her and she feels sad because he defended her when she was weak and vulnerable and after everything was said and done, sometimes went to pray with her and talk about the future. It was nice back then, but it wasn't what she needed now.

 

Noriko tells him so, as gently as she knows how, which is too harsh for even her, but also as self-deprecating as any adolescent. 

 

“You're a good friend,” she says softly. “You are a good friend and you deserve better than what I can give you.”

 

He doesn't cry, but Iori is not the crying type as it is. She feels his sadness and the awkward wall between her stomach and throat threatens to melt into cement and she just stands there.

 

“I'm sorry, Iori,” Noriko tries, even though it likely doesn't mean much of anything.

 

Iori smiles at her during this. “So am I.” He hesitates. “Are we still friends?”

 

Noriko looks at him aghast. “Of course we are!”

 

She knows it's not enough to reassure him of that and it hurts as much as the Dark Seed trying to bloom. Noriko ends up leaving in an awkward rush and spends her night so deep in books her eyes cross.

 

Even when Punimon tries to comfort her, Noriko has the worst chain of nightmares she has had since the age of twelve and her mother can do nothing but try to help her drink tea.

 

Not even Punimon's transformation into Nyaromon can stop her tears. 

 

…

 

Miyako does not forgive her.

 

Noriko doesn't care.

 

The girl confronts her with a tirade loud enough to get the entire lunch room to look around and Noriko only responds with a slap that every person in the room feels.

 

“You're Iori-kun's friend,” she says, her whole body shaking with compressed rage. “But he can defend himself. He is heartbroken, but I would rather it hurt now, than me string him along later. You know, like you keep doing to Ken-san?”

 

Because Miyako is popular, and she's popular for the same reason Noriko is not. She is active and loud and easy to get along with. Noriko can be just as passionate and commanding, but prefers the children below her age, prefers the people who are more capable of being taught. And that makes her more likely to slip through the cracks.

 

She's fine with that, just as Miyako should be fine with her place. Or at least secure it. Her words and actions are everything illogical and wrong with being a Chosen Child, though Noriko will never say so to her face without incredible provocation.

 

Then again, that day, she almost had.

 

Instead she says. “Either make a move on Ken-san, or stop bugging him. Stop projecting on Iori-kun. He's a good person, but he's not my person.”

 

Miyako is furious, and Noriko doesn't blame her. It doesn't mean she has to like it. It doesn't mean she has to take everything the girl dishes out. They were never friends, after all.

 

She shouldn't feel so bad.

But she does.

 

Even when, three weeks later, Ken is flushing pink and fiddling with a small card while telling her about a date, Noriko's guilt doesn't ease. 

 

It doesn't ease until Miyako beats her test score in math, and then she's ready to smash the other's face into the nearest window for being so smug.

 

It's never easygoing between them, but after that, she hopes things might get easier.


	4. Chapter 4

IV.

Graduation is only aflutter because people want it to be.

She wants to be as happy as everybody else, but it just isn't possible right now. She's too tired, too relieved.

She doesn't cry during the ceremony. Really! She doesn't... okay, it was just a little bit. Nyaromon doesn't laugh.

She sees the original twelve Chosen while she's there, giving friends their congratulations. Or at least she sees most of them, waving at Ken and Daisuke's surprisingly equal expressions of 'yes-we're-proud -of-you-too.' And it feels nice to know that, but she still wants to go sleep for a week. Without too much thought in the matter, she looks for Hikari, and she is quickly found trapped in the embrace of her older brother and in deep discussion that is simply a bit too complex for her to want to ask about.

Despite that, the two wave, and Noriko waves back. It's easier to do now, what with all the fuss with Iori and Miyako still being a right twat, Hikari is still a refreshing sight but not enough to fluster her in public. She has experienced a little bit of love by now. It doesn't really make it any easier to look at her and not think  _what-if_  but she does it and keeps her dignity as best she can.

Growing up isn't easy, but Noriko feels like her attempts are working a little better than they used to be.

Her eyes meet Iori's and while they are still friends, eye contact is still as hazardous as mentioning the whole affair around Miyako, but she does smile at the pretty thing that is Iori's new girlfriend. She blinks in puzzlement but Noriko only rolls her eyes and heads towards the school gate. She wants Nyaromon, she wants dinner, but most importantly, she wants to talk to Keiko.

They are each other's temporary, and they know it, but she wants to enjoy it while it lasts.

Keiko hugs her the second her feet touch the floor of her friend's house, and they almost hit the floor, but they're both giggling, and the happiness is really there because she's done it, no Seed mishaps, no truly horrible power-plays, she's lived for herself and managed to head towards her dream without realizing it and it's great and beautiful and horribly messed up.

The fear is back and even if it is back, what can she do about it? What is she going to do now?

She thinks about these things and then immediately forgets them because Keiko is holding her hands and kissing her mouth and being too gentle, too prompting.

Not strong enough.

And it feels wrong.

Not wrong, because during high school, Noriko is starting to guess at what 'right' is for her, but not 'right for her' and it makes her sad because today is supposed to be happy because she's done it, she's honestly done the one thing that as a child seemed impossible.

She shouldn't be crying now, but she is and the tears aren't disappearing and she realizes some of them are Keiko's. It hurts, hurts dearly and greatly, and she wants to smile and wipe them off but doing that is a lie.

So instead she says, "Daisuke?"

Keiko nods, and her brown eyes are almost the color of mud and it's horribly unattractive. She doesn't ask who, Noriko's told her countless times, but lets herself be pulled into a clumsy hug with her friend's free hand stroking her hair and doesn't say much with it. Noriko knows her dress shirt is ruined now, and doesn't quite care because she's feeling all types of cowardly and too many of daring when she leads them back to Keiko's bedroom. She feels the emptiness of the home pressing around her and can't help the turbulence of 'maybes' in her head mixing with every other feeling that she had at that moment.

Through her tears, she smiles and asks. "Want to play pretend?"

…

She doesn't really regret this little foray into a part of love and lust until she goes home the next morning and is interrogated by her parents. Nyaromon just laughs at her. Brat. She doesn't regret, but she doesn't feel much towards it either. It was a mess, clumsy fingers over wet skin and noises of dismay and even disgust a couple of times, but it happened and she couldn't go back and change it.

Keiko had been half-asleep with toast in her mouth when she had left, disheveled and half-blind in a search for a shower, but there were no more tears for either of them. There was just acknowledgment and determination and a lot of sad things in the world that couldn't be erased but had to be written over.

"Your parents are  _mad,_ " Nyaromon trills, giggling like a little sibling seeing their big sister getting their comeuppance. "You probably should have called."

"I was in emotional turmoil, litter box," she quipped, sitting on her bed and rubbing the kinks out of her legs. "Also, they had my cell phone."

"I know," he says, trying to sound serious. "I'm just telling you. I'm supposed to protect you."

"Unless you can make condoms from bubbles, nice try."

Nyaromon snorts and Noriko realizes they are the best partners for each other because these are the comments Nyaromon always says and loves when she says while she is ashamed of herself half the time for thinking them unless they're alone. She laughs, knowing this, and settles back against her headboard, ignoring her father's knocking and threats to break down the door and take away the computer because they won't stick and his shouting is hilarious to listen to.

She thinks of Hikari and there is finally a twinge of guilt. But it isn't enough to reduce her to the wreck she was for some reason yesterday and instead she thinks the girl wouldn't mind.

If it even mattered anymore.

…

Summer flies, she has flings, and she plays matchmaker.

Keiko is funny to watch when she's looking at Daisuke like a wet puppy, but actually pushing the two of them together is even more entertaining. Takeru winks at her when she does this and she giggles, noting how the spiky-haired boy seems even more of an idiot with a cute girl than usual.

Noriko herself tries asking a guy out, just to see. She finds herself bored and cuts it off fairly quickly. Nothing personal, but the man seems set on things that aren't her and not worth fighting about.

So she lets him go, appreciates the experience, and keeps moving forward, trying to get ready for college, for being an adult.

Ew.

Could you still be a Chosen Child if you were an adult? She wonders this, she wonders this very often. Ken thinks so, if his even more frequent visits to the Digital World are anything to go by, and so did the others who had been since the very beginning. They keep hope alive (no offense Takeru) and it makes her feel happy to see them so fervent in believing everyone belongs.

More Digimon appear as her summer goes by and even the old lady crossing the street has a Kotemon helping her now. Kind of makes the nice neighborhood kid moot but it's cute anyways.

She takes up rollerblading, usually falls most of the time, laughs the other half, and waits for her college acceptance letter and the ensuing bills to pay over it.

She hates growing up. Responsibility sucks.

Somehow being responsible for herself is more upsetting and daunting than saving the world but maybe she's still a kid enough to find the utter awesome in doing that.

Or maybe she's just lazy. Either one.

Either way, when college kicks in, she can't afford a dorm so it's a part-time job for bus fare and home economics to learn how to fend for herself when she is actually in an apartment. Cooking is fun, she realizes quickly, working with her mother to learn how. She likes moving her hands, likes seeing a result come from her work, even if it's only temporary.

Perhaps that's what Keiko likes so much. Then again, hers are also sweeter. Noriko tends to avoid the house when Daisuke is there, not just because Keiko has a horrible poker face whenever they see each other but because sometimes the air is just saturated with food and while she loves them both it is like smelling baking pretzels in a food court in America. Extended metaphor? Yes.

She doesn't admit to being lonely, mostly because Nyaromon will pitch  _such_ a fit if she does. But it is odd having less time to spend with her friends than ever, especially now that Takashi, a fellow Seed Child, has started high school and is miserable. He's a good boy, though, good and hard-working, and is polite enough to send her an email before blowing up her phone. Which is more than she can say for Hiroshi, who has all the decorum of a dramatic woman. She would know, her mother had gotten pretty horrible as puberty went on.

She scribbles at papers, watches Nyaromon try to chew his own tail and almost succeeding sometimes and mentally decides that someone needs to open up a Digimon day care because her partner is  _bored_. She chuckles at him and works harder at passing tests and covering material and trying to figure out just what it is she works best at and before she knows it, the year is half-over.

And she runs into Iori.

…

They end up getting coffee. He's only here for a couple of hours because Rosa is here taking her language classes and studying into medical interpretation and she apparently forgot her flash drive at his house.

"How did she end up missing that?" Noriko teases, earning a roll of the eyes and a pleased flush.

"You would never guess," he deadpans, grinning anyway. "You look exhausted."

She snorts. "You say that to every woman."

"Only the ones that worm their way into my heart."

She chuckles. "I like apples."

Iori snorts. "That's crude."

She laughs harder. "I'm a crude person. Subtle as an anvil." He sighs, rolling his eyes and pulling out his law book. "Oh you  _would_ , wouldn't you?" She giggles with delight at his mortified expression, which for Iori is basically a raised eyebrow and an open mouth. "I'm kidding, Iori. You suit the side of justice."

He shakes his head, a blush on his face even when Armadimon crawls back over from getting his half-eaten cookies. "I just... I want people to get the second chances they deserve."

Noriko knows who he's thinking of, and she softens her smirk into a real smile. "You're a good guy, Iori, you know that? Too good for someone like me. How does Rosa handle it?"

He smiles and shakes his head. "I dunno, it's got to be difficult. How do your dates handle you?"

"With kid gloves and good reflexes."

They both laugh until Rosa arrives and at her affronted face, just laugh harder.

It's good to have friends.

…

"Dorms are expensive," Hikari sighs.

Noriko rocks back and forth on her bed, idly pondering how long it will take before the room checks are done, and agrees. "And they still make us pay for laundry."

Hikari grimaces and Noriko grins at her through the older woman's bangs. "Don't remind me," she huffs, sitting back on her desk chair and trying not to spin in it like a six-year-old. It's hilarious to think about, and see, because in the two weeks they've been roomed together, she's done it five times.

And that's the times Noriko's caught her at it.

Nyaromon seems to like Hikari's lap better than hers, not that Noriko blames her, but he's frequently there whenever homework is being done. It's like an unconscious filling of the void that is a lack of a partner in Hikari's presence.

To be honest, it's actually really effing scary.

After all, everyone's been  _getting_  partners like it's going out of style since she was ten and to see one of the first not have theirs and worse yet, be  _calm_  about it, was awkward.

Noriko decides not to ask. Not just because there are probably some etiquette laws in place about it, but because she's probably faking so hard she doesn't know it.

Also, because the nightmares have still not ended (and it's almost been ten years, she needs a therapist even though culture sneers at that) and Hikari is always gently talking her about them, even when there are finals the next day or it's three o clock in the middle of Mother Nature's temper tantrums.

Woman is a saint.

Noriko is jealous of that.

It's also everything that she still likes in Hikari.

She is such a sap.


	5. Chapter 5

V.

 

Somehow, staying with Hikari is really fun.

 

Contrary to a lot of manga out there, she is not constantly thinking of the female's body, or other various things. She's mostly thinking of homework and out-of-class events and Nyaromon suddenly being Terriermon and gosh is that weird or what?

 

If she thinks of Hikari with more than the casual “let's-pull-an-all-nighter-for-finals-together” idea in mind, she usually wonders where Tailmon is and why the girl has not broken down. Then she remembers Hikari is probably a better person than she is.

 

And that's cool, if a bit hard to accept.

 

“Why are math gen eds required for a teaching degree?” Noriko groans one day, slamming her head into the desk.

 

“Attendance?” Hikari offers, erasing the answer to another make-up quiz. “Salary complaints? Because?”

 

Terriermon giggles. “That last one sounds more accurate.”

 

Noriko pitches her textbook at him and he yelps, diving behind Hikari's legs. “That wasn't very nice,” he whines.

 

Hikari chuckles. “Well, you aren't a nice person either, Terriermon.”

 

“What does that have to do with anything?”

 

Noriko smirks. “Comeuppance sucks, don't it?”

 

The girls laugh together and inwardly, Noriko slaps herself.

 

Okay, so she does think about it once in a while. But nothing seems to want to happen, and she has an education to worry about.

 

Besides, Hikari is fun in general, always thinking of funny ways to entice children into learning with games, into involving their Digimon. She's kind of made for this, as far as Noriko's concerned.

 

It's almost worth being jealous over, almost.

 

At least until she completely flubs up the lines for her play audition. Then, you know, everything is cool.

 

Not that either of them expected anything from it. 

 

( _This is all so domestic and mundane,_ she remembers thinking at one point and somehow finding that less of a problem than it would have been at one part of her life.)

 

…

 

“You're not a clean freak?”

 

Hikari blinks, perturbed at the question clearly. “Um... should I be?”

 

 _Yes,_ Noriko thinks _. Because you're supposed to be angelic and never touch dirt._

 

This wasn't saying Hikari was a slob or something because really, she isn't. However, the apartment Noriko finds herself standing in is just clean enough to live in but none of that pristine stuff she used to do at the dorms. Then again, matrons were like hawks over that sort of thing. 

 

Noriko shakes her head. “I dunno, your brother isn't, so...”

 

Hikari giggles. “You get used to messes living with him.”

 

Seeing her smile gets easier, because she wants to see it and not think too hard about why. Hikari is always doing her best to be a bright existence for everyone, including herself... some of the time.

 

“Eh, I shouldn't be complaining,” she decides. “I'm paying half the bills... to Papa's anger.”

 

Hikari rolls her eyes. “He can't let you depend on his pocket change forever.”

 

Noriko snorts. “Tell him that. He's still edgy about the time I stayed at a friend's house all night.” Yes, because she and Keiko were just friends now, because she was focused on what and where she needed to be. Probably.

 

“Sounds irritating,” Hikari says, sitting down at the sofa. Noriko joins her, pouring over the newest exam.

 

Life isn't more exciting or dangerous because they're living together, nor is it going in a straight line.

 

It just _is._

…

 

“I'm killing him.”

 

“She'll be mad at you.”

 

Noriko glowers at Daisuke. “Can't I grumble about my love affairs in private?”

 

He snorts. “You're sitting at my kitchen counter, drowning in noodle broth, and talking about Hikari-chan. I'm even letting you use my couch tonight. So no.”

 

She groans and Terriermon snorts from his spot next to Chibimon. They were apparently arguing the merits of smoked pork over grilled octopus. Personally, she doesn't see the big deal. Her situation is much more important. “Aren't you going to be upset with her?”

 

“You seem to have it covered,” Daisuke replies, chopping into a pepper. “Broth all right?”

 

“A bit too salty and the udon aren't doing too well,” she says, taking another slurp. “You trying to distract me?”

 

“Yeah. It workin'?”

 

She gives him a half-hearted pout. “You're lucky I'm not off getting drunk.”

 

Daisuke rolls his eyes. “I'd let you if Hikari-chan hadn't called me before you got here. You really scared the crap out of her, you know. Said you were so supportive and all.”

 

Noriko snorts. “Supportive, my ass. I just didn't want her to cry or do something dumb.” _And what am I doing? Running from her because she's gone and done the stupid teenage thing after being okay with it? Geez._

 

“I'm such a jerk.”

 

Daisuke grins. “Speaking as someone who went through the pining deal, you're not. You're just jealous.”

 

She snorts and slurps noodles. “No shit I'm jealous. Jealous and all sorts of other things.” Noriko thunks her head against the pristine tabletop. “God... I just... I dunno. It ain't the kid's fault, but... he, that guy...”

 

“Well, since he hasn't bothered to call back and check on her,” Daisuke muses while adjusting his goggles. “Assume he's on Taichi-san's shitlist. So he'll kill the guy before you do.”

 

“Now _that_ will make her cry.”

 

“Cry or smile it all away. She's known for that.”

 

Noriko rolls her eyes and goes back to her food. “Hikari's going to have a kid that's not mine.”

 

“If it makes you feel any better, it's not mine either.”

 

Noriko is tempted to dump her food bowl over Daisuke's head for his cheek, but settles for flicking the hot water at his face instead. “Good. I don't want to raise an ugly child.”

 

Chibimon and Terriermon both cackle and the two humans spend another two hours bickering the appearance of _any_ child with Daisuke as the father.

 

…

 

Hikari never says the sacred words.

 

As a teenager, this would have aggravated Noriko to no end because even in her twenties, Hikari keeps a rather unreadable face all of the time and she has no clue what it means to see her cry until she does it in her sleep, murmuring for her Digimon and for people Noriko realizes she can't ever know.

 

Hikari never says the words, but when Noriko wakes up sick and finds a regulated dose of medicine and a fresh tray of porridge and orange juice with a book, she knows. When she accepts Noriko's idea for a baby name with only a few thoughts and wears a fake wedding ring like it's real, Noriko knows. 

 

When she's holding the newborn in her arms before even Taichi and Takeru and barely after Hikari herself, she cries.

 

Because not being able to say them doesn't mean not being able to feel them.

 


	6. Chapter 6

VI.

"Up ya go!"

Kei whoops as she lifts him to the ceiling, giggling and waving his arms as she twirls him up in the air. He's a beautiful boy, bright-eyed and energetic as she spins him about. Hikari is giggling from her lazy chair at them both and Noriko sticks out her tongue before pulling the boy back down. "Come on, he wants to fly. Just look at him zoom."

Hikari only giggles again, writing careful notes in the paper margins. "He needs a safe landing, though."

"Hey, I am the epitome of safety," Noriko protested, spinning the boy again.

"She is until you get her drunk," Terriermon informed Kei, who though had no clue what that meant at the tender age of eleven months, gave a toothless grin anyway. YukimiBotamon, thankfully too young to be repeating sounds yet, still bounced by Terriermon's right floppy ear.

Hikari laughed. "Don't I know it."

Noriko watches her out of the corner of her eye, waiting for the flicker of guilt, the furtive, distant look at Kei. It doesn't happen this time, as it had until three months ago.

The guilt is there, however. Hikari hasn't touched alcohol since before Kei was born or since then either. It's been almost two years. Noriko doesn't feel she has any right to protest this decision, but she has to wonder if it is made out of fear, or self-preservation.

So, while she bounces Kei on her knee, she asks which it is.

Hikari shrugs. "Both."

Noriko doesn't know quite what to say to that.

"I don't understand you sometimes."

Hikari picks up Kei, settling to feed him, and shakes her head. "I don't really understand me either."

Noriko grins. "Just another trait to bind us together." Hikari smiles and rolls her eyes. It's nice that she doesn't disagree at least, though a fight would be nice. Hikari doesn't fight, which is weird. Or maybe it's just a trait of hers, ever the pacifier, ever the sweet-hearted soul. She wishes they would fight; it would at least be normal. Shouting, she knows. Anger, self-hate, stomping out, that's expected of any couple. But it doesn't happen. Any emotions Noriko expels simply get absorbed and squished into a stress ball, and met with a smile.

Somehow, Hikari is scary in this, and maybe pathetic for it too.

But it's not like Noriko knows anything about being brave.

…

"Noriko, wait-"

Stupid, stupid, why are you so angry? The kid's three. Of course he wants to know where his daddy is.

"You can't expect me to be okay with this!"

Hikari adjusts Kei's half-asleep form against her chest and looks at her. Her eyes are suddenly very red, half with tears and half with some smoldering energy that just might be anger. "I'm not expecting you to," she says softly. "But please, don't yell." The bags are heavy under her eyes, "Kei doesn't know."

Noriko shrugs, forcing her jacket over her arms and pulling her hood. "One of us has to yell, since you don't  _want_ to. Since you're too  _afraid_ to." The venom in her voice is like the snake she first met in the Digital World and almost ate her head. Hikari doesn't look cowed by it, and the anger in her says she  _should_ , but as always, Hikari surprises her. Somehow, she looks angry.

Not only angry, protective. Her hand continues to stroke her son's hair, and Noriko mentally cringes at the way the boy's tiny fists are clenched in the cashmere sweater. Hikari smiles, and Noriko really wants to bolt.

At least yelling would make sense, she thinks.

But Hikari doesn't yell. She only smiles and nods. "I am afraid. I don't like yelling. I don't like fights. I don't like silly fights. Is this a silly fight?"

Noriko wants to cry, wants to curl into her ball like she did at the age of twelve. But instead, she is galled by the patience beneath that fury, by the way she seems to look  _through_ Noriko instead of at her.

Her father would love Hikari, baby or no.

And somehow, that's the worst part.

"Aren't all fights  _silly_  to you?" Noriko spits. "If there was a minotaur between you and me, would you try to  _talk_ it out of kill-"

A pale hand slaps her cheek so hard Noriko hears bones crack in the hand.

Hikari takes a deep breath as she steps back. Her small body trembles for a second before she shakes her head, a slow, but vehement gesture.

"No," Hikari whispers, and the anger has burned out the mother bear in her eyes to make way for a great and terrible dragon.  _"No."_

Noriko doesn't touch her cheek. She runs.

...

"You're back again."

"Shut  _up,_ Daisuke."

"At least I got to you before the police did."

Noriko grumbles through Terriermon's ears and the red mark on her cheek. "It was  _one_ guy."

Chibimon giggles. "It was four." Terriermon raises an eyebrow and an ear and Noriko grabs it, pulling it back down with a scowl. Her head throbs with pain and the alcohol sloshes. "You shouldn't have done that, Noriko."

Noriko rolls her eyes, swearing she can hear them crack. "Yeah, I know. I shouldn't have had a reasonable freak-out and gone off to drink and beat up a few guys."

"As fun as it sounds," Daisuke begins, planting a bowl in front of her that takes her back almost four years and a quiet apartment before a toddler. "No, you shouldn't have. You know how hard it is to make Hikari-chan cry? Let alone slap you?  _Miyako_  hasn't even gotten a slap in the past couple of years and  _she's_  made a couple of comments about you that I wouldn't repeat in a lunchroom." He glances at the sleeping toddler in the nearby cradle to prove his point.

Somehow that doesn't surprise her. "Hikari listens?"  _Worse, does she agree?_

Daisuke glares. "Long enough to cut into her like a good cut of meat. You're  _lucky,_ Noriko." He forces her hands around the chopsticks, scowling all the while. "I haven't seen Hikari so okay with someone's long-term company since  _Taichi-san_  and because her kid happens to do a silly kid thing you almost lose it. Are you dumber than me or something?"

Noriko opens her mouth, then closes it. "I know that was bad..."

"Everything else you must have said was worse," Chibimon says, and it's weird to hear him sound so blunt about it with the voice of a kid with helium in his lungs.

Noriko winces. "It... might have been."

"It was," Terriermon adds, rolling his own eyes now. "I've never seen her look  _scary_ before."

Daisuke scoffs. "If it weren't for the fact that this isn't worth kicking you out, I'd do it. Believe me, I don't know the full story, but I'm sure of one thing: Hikari-chan would never  _let_ anyone die, especially not you, though god knows you might want to." He throws a napkin at her. "Eat your food and sleep. Then, apologize to Kei." Noriko opens her mouth and Daisuke bulldozes her like he does nearly everything. "Hikari-chan has probably already forgiven you. She forgave Ken as fast as I did, even if she didn't trust him. So give Kei an apology, before the kid thinks you hate him."

He goes to the bathroom and Noriko stares miserably at the ramen bowl.

She understands that she was stupid, but that isn't what hurts.

What hurts is that, she realizes, she was picking a fight.

She wanted a fight with someone who loved her so much that it didn't matter to her mere minutes after slapping her.

Because it was normal.

"Damn it," she whispers. "I'm a fucking fool."

Terriermon doesn't titter, but remains around her neck for the rest of the night.


	7. VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for your patience and your loyalty. This is the end!

VII.

It's harder to apologize than she thought it would be.

Not because Hikari is too busy, or is horrible at forgiving, or even that Kei hides every time he sees her.

It's simply that Noriko has trouble apologizing to  _anyone_ , has trouble groveling, and has no clue how to even explain her fury to this little kid who just didn't know any better. She can't excuse it, can't forgive it.

Daisuke is, of course, horribly right when he says Hikari has forgiven her, because at the sight of her at work the next morning, the woman is not subtle in her examining of the slap mark or in the gentle pressing of a lunch box in her arms before the morning begins. Noriko doesn't say how much that hurts because she doesn't want Hikari to be angry or anything else, and she's still stuttering over the idea of what to say.

She doesn't know how to Kei, but after a long, distracting day, it's proven that Kei knows how to talk to her. Hikari brings him into her while she's packing up and proceeds to busy herself with talking to the principal, the clever woman.

She sees him shift from her spot at her desk, all excited eyes and wobbling steps because he's still not good at keeping himself looking at things and staying still at the same time but he's three so she thinks it's more cute and funny than anything else. He wanders around at first, as though he doesn't remember why he's here at all. But then he sees her and Noriko swears she sees him light up like a star before he runs over, almost hitting a toy she has yet to put away. He even notices the desk in the way and before she can tell him no, he's latched himself firmly to her legs and is giggling. "Nana!" Kei proclaims. "Find Nana!"

His voice is so proud that her eyes water. But she grins, taking the silly name Hikari had found in a book with the same amusement as being called "teacher", and manages to muss his hair without feeling the guilt freeze her hands. "Yep, you found me. Were we playing hide-and-seek?"

He nods, grinning and adding. "Can't find at night." Kei frowns as he says this. Noriko doesn't think he remembers the event all too well, he is a little kid, but the frown makes her wilt, just a little, when he adds. "Nana comes home now to find Kei?"

"Yes," Hikari says from the doorway. Her arms are crossed, and she's smiling an impish sort of grin. "Hide-and-seek is only so fun with two people and a little Digimon."

"It's no fun anyway if I play," Terriermon says with one of his silly grins and Noriko ignores him, pulling up Kei into her lap.

"Tell you what," she says. "We'll go play and if you find me, Mama will make fried eggs, won't she?" She winks at Hikari, who only rolls her eyes.

"If you buy the eggs."

Kei giggles. "Eggs! Eggs!" It's his fifth-favorite word and he chants it all the way out the door and almost out of the school until Hikari shushes him with a small giggle. Then he nods, as serious as you can look with a white blob on your head, and takes both their hands at the same time, walking the best he can.

Noriko wants to kick herself, but it doesn't happen, nor does Hikari kick her in the shin while they're walking. She just hums a merry little tune and carries their papers and asks how Daisuke's recipes are going.

She feels like it shouldn't be over, that there should be more to her screw-up.

That night, when Hikari is giving her novel a thorough, amused analysis over popcorn, Noriko gives up. "Don't I deserve something?"

Hikari shrugs. "I kissed you earlier." She peeks at her through one eye and sighs at the stubborn pout. "Nope. Not going to. You're doing it to yourself."

"But-"

"But Kei's three and you're a hothead." Hikari pokes her nose then slumps. "I shouldn't have slapped you."

Noriko glowers. "Hey, let me have the rain cloud of self-pity. I'm the one who said all that stuff."

"A good part of it was right," Hikari muses with a snort, putting her book down and going to caress her Digivice's grooves, a nervous habit Noriko has seen her do more and more as her son grows older and older. Hikari pauses, bites her lip, then looks at her with that same earnest stare she gave when she learned Kei was being born.

Hikari wanted to know if everything was going to be all right.

"You came back so... I... I don't really want to stay mad."

Noriko blinks. She blinks a second time. Then she sighs and gives a weak smile. "We're a couple of saps."

"I'm also tired. Now stop thinking and turn the light off."

…

When Tailmon comes back, Noriko is never more relieved to walk behind.

Though many of her important Terriermon moments were shared with Hikari, or another person, or had to do with another person, Noriko knows it's different for Hikari right now. She remembers the story, the story where Hikari grew up alone, with no one knowing of the Digital World but her until it all began. She had been waiting her whole life.

It's easy enough to encourage her to go and follow her heart, when she looks that happy, when Hikari looks relieved and hopeful and so much like a kid that it doesn't hurt to watch her run off. It makes her reluctant to get up actually, considering everything.

Despite that, she wants to meet Tailmon again, to see the way they are together and confirm for herself that this all isn't a dream, that she is going to be here and help Hikari be okay, that there's at least one experienced person in this Chosen Children business to guide Kei.

It's easy enough to carry Kei. He's still small, will probably always be a little scrawny, but it helps that he stays asleep and Nyaromon doesn't make noise loud enough to wake him. So they walk through the setting sun and when her Digivice chimes softly, she thinks she can hear Oikawa humming a tune to himself.

"You don't have to keep an eye on me anymore, Oikawa-san," she says, in such a quiet voice that she's not sure she's talking. "I... I think I'll be all right. Or... I'll work on it at least!"

She isn't even sure if he is here at all, but she thinks that he probably kept an eye on them every time they arrived. Because they were his children, as much as they were Chosen Children.

That thought, almost twenty-five years later, is as comforting as it is painful, but for once the pain is welcome.

Kei doesn't wake when she reaches them, so she has no trouble offering the child to his mother. Tailmon is just the same, maybe a little older, maybe with worn claws, but the small body has that same serene undercurrent running through her fur. Her blue eyes, though a little shocked, quickly melt with adoration and curiosity.

"Yours," the cat whispers breathlessly, looking at her partner with awe and some frightening innocence. "He's yours."

"Her too," Hikari says, holding out her hand for Noriko to sit more carefully on the ground. "She's mine too." Hikari hesitates, fiddling with Kei's hair, then softly adds. "I love her."

It takes a moment for the words to sink in, and then Noriko finds herself sniffling, giggling and tearing up in the same breaths. "That's not  _fair_ , Hikari! After all of this, you  _now_ decide to say it. Now... you are mean."

Hikari smiles, a trace of guilt in her face. "I didn't know how to say it... or if I could say it right."

"Well, I certainly understood it!" She wipes her eyes with an index finger, blushing. "Really now..."

"Nee-chan... why are you crying?"

Noriko grins. "Because your mama's a meany face!"

"Hey~"

Somehow... like the last puzzle piece clicking into place, everything feels all right.

It's not perfect. They still have bills to pay, and a son to raise, and mouths to feed. It's not even simple. Hikari is as closed-off and complicated as always and she's a bit too brutish for the both other.

But... it's what she has. It's probably what she's always wanted.

Simplicity... cleanliness... order...

Those don't belong to her. Those aren't what she believes in.

Noriko believes, however, in this, and that's enough.

**Author's Note:**

> (1) Pork buns, or nikuman (lit, meat manju),are a street food served in Japan served from about August or September until spring. Steamed, typically they are kept hot and sold in convenience stores during this time, but there are other kinds served throughout other seasons too, such as 7-Elevens out there serving a chocolate version. They were shown in Digimon Adventure 02 in episode 37, if I'm remembering right. There are recipes all over the internet too!
> 
> (2) Hikari is butchering a saying used in one of my favorite shows Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni Kai, which one of the characters says that it is good to let a fresh wind in and chase out the stale air, which is saying good things will happen from letting the outside in. Hikari is trying to twist it a little and say that there are some doors that need to be shut, so the past is able to be put to rest and not destroyed entirely. Unfortunately, Hikari is not very good at saying what she's thinking.
> 
> Until next time!


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